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COLUMBO AND THE OBAMA WITH NO PAST (Literally)
[We got this new Columbo scene from a reader today.]
(Int. White House, day time. Columbo and Obama)
Columbo:
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I know you're busy, and important and stuff. I mean, running the country is very important and -- ah -- I hate to bother you, Sir. I will only take a minute. Ok, Sir? 
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering, Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says, boy, she wishes she had digs like this, you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow!
I saw something like that in a museum once. Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't mean to get off the track.
So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn't think so...
Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released" or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are I have them written down here somewhere -- oh wait. I'll just read it to you.
Could you please help me find these things, Sir?
1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available"
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available
8. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available
9. Law practice client list -- Not released
10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
12. Record of your baptism -- Not available
13. Why your wife, Michelle, can no longer practice law as an attorney? (Insurance Fraud?_
14. Why your wife has 22 assistants, when other First Ladies had one?
15. Why were you getting "foreign student aid" as a college student?
16. Which countries' "passport(s)" did you have when you visited Pakistan in 1981?
Oh, and one more thing Mr. President, I can't seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir?
Oh, but hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the day after. . ..
What's that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things?
We the People of the United States of America ! You know, the ones that vote and pay taxes.
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See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering, Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says, boy, she wishes she had digs like this, you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow!
I saw something like that in a museum once. Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't mean to get off the track.
So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn't think so...
Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released" or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are I have them written down here somewhere -- oh wait. I'll just read it to you.
Could you please help me find these things, Sir?
1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available"
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available
8. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available
9. Law practice client list -- Not released
10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
12. Record of your baptism -- Not available
13. Why your wife, Michelle, can no longer practice law as an attorney? (Insurance Fraud?_
14. Why your wife has 22 assistants, when other First Ladies had one?
15. Why were you getting "foreign student aid" as a college student?
16. Which countries' "passport(s)" did you have when you visited Pakistan in 1981?
Oh, and one more thing Mr. President, I can't seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir?
Oh, but hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the day after. . ..
What's that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things?
We the People of the United States of America ! You know, the ones that vote and pay taxes.
# # #
ROCK AND A
HARD PLACE FOR DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS OVER HEALTH CARE
HARD PLACE FOR DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS OVER HEALTH CARETwo top Dem pollsters tell Dems to hit the brakes on healthcare or face massive losses in elections. Obama, on the other hand, is twisting the arms of Dems to vote his way.
We think it's going to be every man for himself when the vote comes. Would you risk your cushy Congressional seat for Obama?
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WE ARE 
ALL MAYFLIES
The lifespan of an adult mayfly can vary from just 30 minutes to one day depending on the species. The primary function of the adult is reproduction; the mouthparts are vestigial, and the digestive system is filled with air.
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HARRY (REID) OF ARABIA
Link
New ads link ultra-lefty Senator Harry Reid to slave labor and Arab money.
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RELATIVES OF CIVILIANS KILLED IN NATO NIGHT ATTACKS THREATEN REVENGE ATTACKS
Link
America's kill 'em all and let God sort it out way of warfare doesn't make us many friends.
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ACORN BRANCHES TAKE NEW NAMES
Link
Lefty non-profit tries to hide who it is to keep getting your tax money.
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ALL MAYFLIESThe lifespan of an adult mayfly can vary from just 30 minutes to one day depending on the species. The primary function of the adult is reproduction; the mouthparts are vestigial, and the digestive system is filled with air.
# # #
HARRY (REID) OF ARABIA
Link
New ads link ultra-lefty Senator Harry Reid to slave labor and Arab money.
# # #
RELATIVES OF CIVILIANS KILLED IN NATO NIGHT ATTACKS THREATEN REVENGE ATTACKS
Link
America's kill 'em all and let God sort it out way of warfare doesn't make us many friends.
# # #
ACORN BRANCHES TAKE NEW NAMES
Link
Lefty non-profit tries to hide who it is to keep getting your tax money.
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We've had a number of door to door solicitors in our neighborhood here in CM. The most recent was on 3/13/10, Saturday night, at aprox. 7:30pm. A young Hispanic male (Teens to mid 20s) wearing all black came to the door. He said he needed money and that he is in a gang but trying to better himself. I told him I didn’t have any money. He then asked if I had credit cards, checks, or anything valuable I could give him. It was reported to the CMPD.
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