WAR WITH NEWPORT?It was a bad day for Costa Mesa at the Orange County Local Agency Formation Commission (
LAFCO) on Wednesday.
We may have to go to war against bikini clad
Newporters.
They're a watery eyed,
vicious lot who have ocean domination as their mad dream. If it's wet, the
Newporters want it.
LAFCO ruled on Wednesday that West Santa Heights, which is east of Costa Mesa but in our sphere of influence, should be annexed to Newport Beach.
But, here's the real bad news about this,
compadres. When it so ruled,
LAFCO separated the West Santa Ana Heights issue from the Banning Ranch one and may not rule on Banning Ranch for six months.
The CM PRESS has long argued that annexation issues to our east
and to our west should be discussed at the same time so that Costa Mesa would have some bargaining power and might be able to end up with less than the short end of the stick for once.
The CM PRESS believes that Costa Mesa should give up land to our east to Newport Beach --the aforementioned West Santa Ana Heights and even (to sweeten the pot) the Santa Ana Country Club on Newport Blvd. if necessary.
In exchange for those valuable pieces of land, we'd like to see Newport give up any claims it might have on some parts of Banning Ranch (on our west) that could be annexed to Costa Mesa so that our presently landlocked city would end up with some land close to the Pacific Ocean or at least close to the brackish water where the Santa Ana River almost meets the ocean. This would allow Costa Mesa to develop a small pocket beach for our residents and at the same time doff a captain's hat or two and take a chair at the table of coastal communities.
But, with
LAFCO separating the east from the west the way it did, we've lost much of our bargaining ability and will now have to slug it out with Newport for Banning Ranch.
Have no doubt about this, my fellow dry-
landers, Newport wants Banning Ranch--all of it. They figure it's their manifest destiny to have all land that has water near it. It's a wonder they haven't taken over our City Hall because of the small fish pond in front. Maybe that's why City Staff drained the water out of that tiny pond. They weren't concerned about
mosquitoes, but about
Newporters setting up camp there.
We swear, as surely as Katrina Foley is a conservative, that we were watering the weeds in front of the CM PRESS skyscraper the other day and before you could say jiggling flesh, a bunch of
Newporters showed up, put down towels and started a volley ball game. As soon as we turned off the hose, they left. It's uncanny. They're like flies and garbage. If there's water nearby, they're there.
Costa Mesa is welcome to all the dry dirt we can find, it seems, but add a little H2O and the
Newporters are suddenly there with their little string bikinis, surf boards and tanning oil. They're a water greedy lot, those
Newporters, and they want to parch Costa Mesa into a bone dry desert.
It's time we used our natural advantage of being up above most of Newport's beaches to show the
Newporters that we're not going to take it anymore. Now that Gary
Monahan is on the Costa Mesa Sanitary District Board of Directors we may be able to appeal to his sense of Costa Mesa
patriotism to help our city.
We figure the next time Gary and the 15 or so other Sanitary District employees and board members, who we pay to sit around the Sanitary District office on 19
th Street thinking of ways to raise our rates, are down in the sewers fixing the pipes, that they can divert a couple of our sewer lines so they drain directly into Newport Harbor.
That'll show the smug First World
Newporters we mean business and that we want some of our land to be close to the ocean too. Where is it written that Newport owns the entire coast and can block us from just a tiny little sliver of waterfront property where we can dip our toes in the ocean?
Of course, the better alternative, that we've floated before, is to try to trick Newport Beach into annexing all of Costa Mesa.
Newporters have been good stewards of their city, and Newport improves every time we look.
Costa
Mesans, on the other hand, have not been such good stewards of our city and we see this in our failing schools, our slums, our gangs, our huge illegal alien population, our lower than they should be property values, and in our lower quality of life.
If Costa Mesa were annexed to Newport Beach, that city would get our tax revenues from South Coast Metro and we'd get
Newporters who probably wouldn't stand for the Third World conditions in the then former Costa Mesa, and who would make sure their new section of Newport Beach is improved--like, right now, Dude.
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Those are our opinions. Thanks for reading them.