ENDANGERED ILLEGAL ALIEN ORDINANCE
COSTA ANA--2010--Return to no-Reason candidates now control the City Council.
One of the first things they do, after changing the name of the city to Costa Ana, to indicate that the city is the sister city of Santa Ana, is pass the Endangered Illegal Alien Ordinance to restore the illegal alien habitat on the Westside and make it a permanent Barrio
New No-Reason Councilmember Ms. Krazy Katlady, in an exclusive interview with the CM PRESS, said that in the recent past too many citizens of the old Costa Mesa had been polarizing the issue and they were helping destroy the habitat of illegal aliens in our city. "We're all stakeholders," said Ms. Katlady.
"Before these divisive citizen activists started improving the Westside," Ms. Katlady continued, "the area had many wonderful slums and teemed with illegal aliens. It was a wonderful and amazing sight. It was a real Barrio."
"Every time I drove to the Westside from my home in Mesa Verde, I felt a real thrill about the humanity of it. Now, there are too many citizens living on the Westside and fixing up their homes and demanding even more changes. They're gentrifying the area so it'll be like Mesa Verde. I call that mean, racist and divisive.
"Look, if citizens want good schools, they should just send their kids to private schools as many of my neighbors in Mesa Verde have done. And, if they don't want gangs and crime and graffiti and lower than they should be home prices, they should move out of Barrio Westside. These citizens should know their place and they should stay in their place and not be uppity.
"Before I became involved in this important issue, I spent most of my time rescuing stray cats. They're so cute and helpless. They're my children. They need me and give meaning to my otherwise meaningless yuppie life.
"Now I rescue illegal aliens and take care of them. They're so cute and helpless. Next to my cats, I love them best. They also help give meaning to my otherwise meaningless yuppie life.
"The illegal aliens look up to me so much, when I give them free bags of groceries from the trunk of my Bentley, that it brings tears of joy to my eyes. Why, they even have a pet name for me. They call me Gringa Tonto. Tee hee, tee hee. I think that means Beautiful White Princess.
"Yes, I am the reincarnation of an Indian Princess even though I have hateful blond hair and blue eyes. In my prior life as an Indian Princess I was known as Princess Buffalo Patootie.
"Anyway, in the past, in Barrio Westside, there used to be glorious lines of illegal aliens up and down Placentia Avenue soliciting work from drivers of cars stopped at traffic signals.
"And, the many amazing and wonderful charities had lines out the doors. Inside the charities, the nice Great White Mothers and Great White Fathers from Mesa Verde, the Eastside and Newport Beach were handing out free bags of groceries, rent checks, providing free medical and dental care, and giving out free clothes to illegal aliens.
"And, because of all the good work of the GWMs and GWFs, more and more needy illegal aliens came to Barrio Westside. There are many needy people on earth, and we wanted to bring them all to Barrio Westside where we could mother them and still be able to commute back to our own homes when the sun went down.
"Then, the terror struck. Citizens started demanding that the old City Council actually enforce our laws. I could see the fear on the faces of the illegal aliens as they hid in the shadows instead of being fine upstanding illegal alien citizens of Costa Ana.
"Why, no human is illegal. We're all citizens, even illegal aliens. It was a horrible and dark time. Homes were being painted, streets were being cleaned, graffiti was being removed, illegal aliens were being turned over to ICE for deportation. It was the worst kind of oppression.
"Now that we have a progressive majority on the City Council, we intend to restore the habitat of illegal aliens in Barrio Westside. We are planning on erecting permanent signs at 19th and Harbor and some other intersections, indicating the area is now officially known as: "BARRIO WESTSIDE."
"We are going to remove the invasive species--citizens--so the illegal alien habitat, Barrio Westside, can be protected and restored so that illegal alien citizens can live free of the terror of hearing an English word on the streets.
"The Eastside and Mesa Verde are the proper habitats for this invasive species, so they should all move there or they should move out of Costa Ana.
"Of course, members of the invasive species are welcome to visit Barrio Westside to support the roach coaches, the taco stands, the shoe stores the wedding dress stores and similar businesses, just as though they're tourists in Tijuana.
"They should just dress up in loud Bermuda shorts with clashing shirts and visit Barrio Westside and practice their Spanish. I mean, we want these touristas from other parts of Costa Ana to support the local economy of Barrio Westside.
"As part of the ordinance, we're going to ensure that no one builds any expensive homes on the Westside Bluffs or removes any slum buildings. This would erode our efforts to restore the illegal alien sanctuary."
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