Wednesday, December 19, 2007

CM PRESS # 256

LAID OFF IN THE SUB-PRIME MORTGAGE DEBACLE?

HAVE FUN AND MAKE BIG MONEY IN COSTA MESA WITH YOUR VERY OWN NON-PROFIT CORPORATION!


Join others who have discovered this hidden secret of wealth. Find romance, make friends, be a pillar of the community.

For as little as $37. 49 you can learn to set up your very own 501(c)(3) corporation by buying a book from your local bookstore or on line.

With your very own non-profit corporation, you will be able to apply for free money from the City of Costa Mesa and private citizens. Money that you will never have to pay back! And, once you get your IRS Tax free status, people who donate to you can get tax deductions.

Remember, "non-profit" doesn't mean that you, personally, don't make any money.

You can write yourself a hefty salary and have your new BMW paid for as part of your legitimate business expenses.

Costa Mesa is a great place for a non-profit mogul to make a killing.

Here's why:

**There is a ready supply of needy illegal aliens in the city. (You don't have to ask if your clients are legally in the country or not.)

**You may be able to get free rent in a tax-payer owned building. (It helps if your non-profit has a "kid" angle to it.)

**The local newspaper is non-profit friendly and will gladly publish news about your non-profit. (Send the paper your press releases about fund raising events, awards you give and receive, and more.)

**There are a number of other non-profits in the city that will help you and that will share clients with you.

Don't have any ideas about the hottest non-profit to start?

In Costa Mesa, your best bet might be to start one that helps kids with their homework or teaches them English or tries to keep them out of gangs.

Anything with "kids" in it is HOT, HOT, HOT and is sure to help you get money from at least two City Councilmembers and their pals.

If you want more ideas on what type of non-profit to start, just call the Costa Mesa Community Development/HCD office at City Hall (714) 754-5635, and ask for their latest HUD Community Development Block Grant (CDBG) list of non-profits applying for free money. Read what other successful non-profits are doing and just copy what looks good to you! It's as easy as that.

When you call the above number, also get an application for a HUD CDBG grant. Once a year your application will be reviewed by the 3R Committee. Don't worry, there are usually people who are involved with non-profits on the 3R Committee. They'll treat you with kid gloves.

And, guess what? You will never have to prove that your non-profit actually succeeds with what you say it's doing! You just have to have nice sounding intentions.

If some citizens say that you're not making a dent in whatever the social problem is that you say you're trying to solve, you can simply say that there's no proof that you're not helping solve the problem and that you know, in your heart of hearts, that you're making a big difference in the lives of needy young people.

Then, you can trot out a few smiling kids who will tell people that but for you and your non-profit, they would: be doing drugs, be in gangs, be pregnant, be failing in school, be hungry, be unwashed, not speak English, be doing graffiti, be a burden on society, be stealing hubcaps, be stealing lunch money, not have any shoes.

Do it right, and your non-profit can be a perpetual money making machine for you.

Worried you won't find enough clients? Perish the thought. You know all those non-English speaking people who bought homes from you or whose loans you funded who you knew couldn't afford those homes? Well, just give them a call!

If that doesn't work, just put fliers advertising your free services in laundromats on the Westside. Also, hand out fliers (in Spanish, of course) to day workers loitering on the Westside.

HOW TO STAY ON EASY STREET

In order to keep your non-profit successful, you will need to have some political clout. In Costa Mesa, that means you have to elect your friends to the City Council.

Remember, that while your non-profit can't get involved in politics, you can. And, since you will be making a hefty salary from your non-profit--thanks to all that free money--you, personally, can donate some of your salary to non-profit friendly candidates. You can also use your kind and compassionate reputation to back City Council candidates who are to your liking.

If your non-profit friendly candidate gets elected to the Costa Mesa City Council, he or she will be able to repay you by voting to give you CDBG funds each year.

NOW, GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOME REAL MONEY!
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The above is satire. You shouldn't really start a non-profit unless you are as kind and compassionate as those who are already in the non-profit business. You can find such people in their expensive homes in some of the best neighborhoods in Costa Mesa and Newport Beach when they aren't busy helping humanity on the Westside.
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